My previous place of employment is in my rear view mirror - not just figuratively but literally. I look back and see this building and I'm reminded of my decision to take a step back and allow myself some time to carefully consider the road that lies ahead of me.
This company was one among several (in not as many years) that have served as a second home for me while I struggled daily to keep up the motivation to solve technology problems that faced my coworkers. Having the right answers or eventually finding them and cashing a paycheck weren't quite enough.
For a short while after starting a new job, there was some sort of excitement of a new place, new people, and new things to learn. No matter how much I enjoyed the people or the place, the novelty eventually wore off and the struggle came slowly crawling back.
Apathy, fatigue, impatience - all overtones of chronic pain that has bothered me for years. All feeding off of each other and spiraling my emotions into total chaos. On occasional days the pain and anxiety were so bad I had to leave work. The work was never as demanding or difficult to handle as it seemed at the time, but when added to the cyclone of carelessness and other chaos, it was just too much to handle. When at the bottom of a pit, staring up, sometimes it appears that there is no way out other than giving up.
Many remedies have been tried: medications, counsellors, doctors, chiropractors, yoga, meditation, changing jobs - all to no avail.
Not being one to give up I changed physicians and approached him asking about a different medication for general anxiety disorder and was given a prescription. So far it's working to help with some of the depression and anxiety.
I am now in my fourth day of a thirty day hiatus from work. I have deliberately stepped aside from several failed attempts to make a career in Information Technology.
I am on a mission to discover my passion, to uncover my calling. Near the end of my term at my last employer, I started realizing that I'm burned out. My passion must be something other than solving computer-related problems.
I've been working through Work Reimagined - Uncovering Your Calling by Richard J. Leider and David A. Shapiro. It's a great book and I HIGHLY recommend it if you're needing to discover or rediscover your passions.
So far the book has shown me the following calling areas which I'll detail in the following days:
Fixing things Creating things Building Things Writing Things Discovering Resources
I've also taken a career aptitudes test that has shown me several possible career fields that might appeal to my interests and passions.
The plan for the next 10 days or so is to take it easy. Just taking time for myself to read, write, relax, and think. In the two weeks after that I'll be searching actively for whatever comes next and taking steps towards making whatever it is a reality.